How Are You?

Location

I draw the veil

that is a smile over my 

over my sorrow, compunction, torment

over my pain and shame and unworthiness.

To those who are in amity,

how do I express the distress

of this calamity?

Dwindling to the bottom

is not strenuous;

it's as simple

as leaves falling in autumn:

natural.

As I got stale and crumbly

and lost my color and luster,

My Light,

when I implored my limits

and crash landed

broken and bound -

no longer connected to my

Source of Life,

My Roots,

you snatched me 'up and at em!'

out of my self inflicted pit.

 

Recovery is a grueling and arduous

endeavor:

Internal warfare

Man vs. self

Warning:

     'Hostiles in sight!

     Casualties will pursue,

     Take no prisoners!'

Brutal, ripping, tearing apart

slice and dice

cut throat

 

So yes,

I tried to hide my invisible battle

I shielded my self loath

and insecurities

behind my can-do attitude

and confident grin.

Neither articulated

the floundering anxiety I felt

that wrenched my core.

 

The truth is

there is not always

blue skies and sunshine;

there is not always

a skip in my step and a song on my lips.

I prefer fantasy -

Happily Ever After,

The Perfect Story.

And I've held myself

to that standard,

that unreachable, deceitful lie

that has destined me to failure:

Perfection.

I prided myself

on my inexperience,

on the fact that I have never

stumbled or staggered or stopped

short of passable.

 

So when the inevitable fall came,

it sent my world into an implosion

of externally numb and dumb

internally reproved and reproached

and in this case,

misery does not love company

misery likes to withhold her wretchedness

and obscure it from view

 

Yet, you saw through my blur.

You pulled me out of my

ignominy and infamy

and for that

I am grateful.

But I wish not

to take up your time

with my adolescent

feelings of regret and remorse

you dealt with the issue

at hand

I must deal with the aftermath.

I wished to sit in my pudency

and waste away in contempt

I had coward intimately within,

breaking myself down

with harsh, cruel thoughts.

 

Still, you would not let me go.

You will never leave me

nor forsake me.

You are for me -

completely and utterly.

I attempted to suppress

this bulging feeling of depletion

behind my curtain.

I ventured to play my part

to the T

Olio center, forestage

in front of my front -

My Wall

 

Acting has never been

my strong suit

though I kept up my persona for a while,

I broke character.

Greater love and all that entails

shone through the darkness

of my stoned heart.

For so long I had joy

taken clean off my face

and you called me out for it

not in a demeaning or derogatory way

but to say

   'Hey!

     You have repented,

     Wake up and stop sulking!

     Be free!

     All is done, all is forgiven!

     The old has past away!

     Deliverance is upon you!'

I almost laughed at the absurdity

After all this time of feeling

constricted and contained

I had a sudden wave of relief.

 

I drew back the heavy curtain

that treacherously guarded me so well

as I allowed you to rummage

through my mess and chaos

I cannot mask my emotions

I cannot harbor self indictment.

i must value myself

enough to release

and love my own being.

If i cannot love myself,

I cannot truly love and value others.

If I cannot love others,

what is the point

of anything

in this Life?

You taught me this.

Comments

Additional Resources

Get AI Feedback on your poem

Interested in feedback on your poem? Try our AI Feedback tool.
 

 

If You Need Support

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741