How Do Our Bodies Fit Into All Of This

I wonder how our bodies would fit together

Would they clink like wine glasses on a fine cruise

Or rattle like chains around a dead man’s arms

Would your body rough against me

Or would I rough against you

Would our bodies touch each other this way

Or that?
Are our bodies meant to touch?

I feel as if they should.

I want to reach across the ocean and pull your soul from your trembling and cracked lips

You know this already

You have already thought these thoughts I am thinking

But never about me

You think of someone else constantly

How do I tell you I love you every day

When you never say it back to me

Our bodies have touched so much already but I feel as though you do not see me and I wonder if I do not see you

Do you want to be free or am I just projecting

The cough syrup and ibuprofen will not tell me

I am overwhelmed with the idea of wholly and totally giving up

And I want to know what you choose

I hope you choose right

 

How do our bodies fit into all of this mess I have made

I left you by the door for someone else who makes me feel emotions I’ve never felt

I feel stuck but at the same time free

I love you I think

And you probably love me

But thoughts and possibilities don’t compare to the idea of perfection

And I am scrambling for perfection

Please let me grasp in my hands what could have been so close

Even though I am a joke and you cannot expect it to have ever been close

Unlovable, I am forgettable

And you will not remember me

I do not think even I remember me

Everything I write comes out purified garbage

Everyone I think of is alienated

From reality

I would never be loved even by perfect

And if perfect loved me, why won't he fucking tell me

It’s driving me crazy

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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