How Do Our Bodies Fit Into All Of This
I wonder how our bodies would fit together
Would they clink like wine glasses on a fine cruise
Or rattle like chains around a dead man’s arms
Would your body rough against me
Or would I rough against you
Would our bodies touch each other this way
Or that?
Are our bodies meant to touch?
I feel as if they should.
I want to reach across the ocean and pull your soul from your trembling and cracked lips
You know this already
You have already thought these thoughts I am thinking
But never about me
You think of someone else constantly
How do I tell you I love you every day
When you never say it back to me
Our bodies have touched so much already but I feel as though you do not see me and I wonder if I do not see you
Do you want to be free or am I just projecting
The cough syrup and ibuprofen will not tell me
I am overwhelmed with the idea of wholly and totally giving up
And I want to know what you choose
I hope you choose right
How do our bodies fit into all of this mess I have made
I left you by the door for someone else who makes me feel emotions I’ve never felt
I feel stuck but at the same time free
I love you I think
And you probably love me
But thoughts and possibilities don’t compare to the idea of perfection
And I am scrambling for perfection
Please let me grasp in my hands what could have been so close
Even though I am a joke and you cannot expect it to have ever been close
Unlovable, I am forgettable
And you will not remember me
I do not think even I remember me
Everything I write comes out purified garbage
Everyone I think of is alienated
From reality
I would never be loved even by perfect
And if perfect loved me, why won't he fucking tell me
It’s driving me crazy