I was that little girl who you wouldn’t see with a frown on her face at age 5

I was that little girl who could brighten your day just by her laugh

I was that little girl who would wake up at 6 in the morning and get ready for school because she thought it was Friday all over again

I was that little girl who was rushed to the hospital on her 7^th birthday on a rainy night on august the 7^th

I was that little girl who was scared and so upset she wasted my whole birthday because she got sick

I was that little girl who for many years spent more of her time seeing a hospital room more than her own room

I was that girl who couldn’t participate in gym throughout elementary school and couldn’t take gym at all in high school

I was that girl who you would see with a smile on her face, head held high and you would think she thought that not a fly could touch her

I was that girl who would wipe that smile off her face and cry most nights because nobody knew

I was that girl who was diagnosed with 4 different diseases and none of them are curable.

 

I am quiet

I am misunderstood

 

I am the girl who never understood why she was chosen to go through life the way she did

I am the girl who cries more than she should

I am the girl people would call a hoe in high school just because they assumed they knew her, but what girl didn’t go through that exact same thing?

I am the girl who made it to her first year in college when people said I couldn’t

I am the girl who is still alive after all the pain

That little girl who could brighten your day with her laugh, who couldn’t keep a frown on her face for nothing is somewhere inside this girl who pays the hospital a visit unexpectedly and unwillingly many times in a year, takes pills back to back just to make sure she can make it through one day, cries every Monday Wednesday and Friday when she has to take an injection just to control her immune system from having a feast on the protective coving of her nerve system and fears the pain from the symptoms after that injections, worries about if her family, mother’s, sister’s, future will be led on the right path, remembers the rumors of what people thought she was through high school and what some of her family through would happen because boys, and the diseases that she didn’t ask for controlling her ability to make it through a day, bodied controlled by drugs that she has no say over ..

 

She sits and thinks to herself

Wondering if that 5 year old girl who’s laugh could brighten your day and who couldn’t keep a frown .. is really still inside of her

 

I am this 19 year old girl who is learning self-respect, to be humble, and care free

I am this 19 year old girl who is starting to become numb to the words, needles, pills, stress ..

 

I am still that girl who cries more than she should, except it turned into overthinking

 

I am quiet

I am misunderstood