I Am... An Abuse Survivor

Sun, 09/13/2015 - 22:16 -- emmy943

801-456-1234. That's the nuymber he'll get when he asks her out because nowadays it's safer to make up a phone number than to turn a man down. We're taught "Don't leave your drink alone" rather than "Don't drug someone." We're taught to be lady-like as if having an opinion is only for men. We're taught to cover up what we have because apparently shoulders have inherint sexuality. We are maniquens out for display letting society's hands put us in our place. Abuse doesn't always have to be a bruise.

One in every four women has been sexually assaulted and society still asks what she was wearing. Though they're the ones who dressed her. 

Nobody wants to hang with the girl who cried wolf. But I was in a red cloak and he was dressed in sheep's clothing. I didn't mean to make him my monster. "Don't be THAT girl" they say. "Don't over exaggerate" they say. "Don't... speak." 

Next time I'll be more assertive.

But pleasing them is just part of the package. You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours, right? When you think you're about to lose it all you'll do anything you can to keep it. But was there really any love there in the first place? 

And I know what it's like to say no. Your hands shake when you try to explain what's wrong, your heart is beating out of your chest, your throat threatens to close up with thoughts of "what if I'm just overreacting?" I know I couldn't stop feeling. His skin pressed against mine. His arms pulled me to him like an anchor. His hands held me down with a vice-like grip. Our fingers knotted together like barbed wire on a jailyard fence. I had been as close as one can get to another human being but I never felt more alone. I said no but no wasn't a good enough reason. 

Next time... I'll be more assertive.

What if we thought about theft like we thought about rape? "I think he stole my money" I'd say. Well do you have proof? Were you drinking that night? What were you wearing when this happened? Are you sure you didn't just give him your money and now you're embarrassed about it? Have you lost money before? Just curious, trying to get a better sense of what's going on here. He has such a bright future. He seems like such a nice guy. Plus he already has money, why would he need yours? You should really think hard about what you're saying here. All guys want money, it's just in their nature. Maybe you shouldn't have had money in the first place.

Maybe it was my fault?...

NO. I was robbed.

They questioned me as if I was a disease that needed a cure. But instead of injecting me with an anctidote they injected me with blame.

We're trying on the playground that when a boy pulls your hair it means he likes you, but abuse is NOT affection. Enough is enough. I've had enough. I am enough. You are enough. Don't say maybe if you want to say no. Next time be more assertive. Next time I'll be more assertive.

No. There won't be a next time. 

This poem is about: 
Me
My community
My country
Our world
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

Comments

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741