I Am... Misophonic

I Am

Suffering in Silence

 

I have a fear of sounds

Everyday, casual sounds

Chewing, swallowing, crunching, popping

Sneezing, tapping, clicking, coughing

All of these sounds

Drive a knife into my brain,

Signals of pain throughout my body

These everyday, casual sounds

Infuriate me.

 

I Am

To the point where

I can’t eat dinner with my own family

Because every crunch and swallow is too loud

To the point where

I can’t have a relationship

Because “it’s ridiculous how we can’t go out to eat”

To the point where

Going to school is a struggle

Because everyone loves to chew gum and tap their legs.

 

I Am

A burden.

 

Every friendship I ever had-

They walked on eggshells while around me

They knew the sounds that bothered me

And to avoid making those sounds near me

But after a while,

Not being able to eat a piece of pizza

Or dig into a bag of chips

Just to be able to be with me was too much.

It was not worth my friendship to stop doing that.

 

I Am

Without a cure.

 

Headphones, loud music, and ear plugs

They all help with the noises for a while...

But when I want to sit in silence

Or listen to my teachers

I cannot focus, no matter how hard I try,

Because my brain tells me that

Sniffling, chewing, coughing and crunching

Are all going to harm me in some way

And I have to believe it.

I have to live with Misophonia.

 

I Am

Living in a World that Mocks Me.

 

How are people able to go out?

To the movies?

Out to dinner?

To school?

To work?

I want to be able to do all of these but...

Having a mental breakdown when

Someone bites into a chip,

Someone sneezes because they have a cold,

Or someone pops their gum...

All of these noises make it impossible.

 

I Am

Misophonic and Unnoticed.

 

“It’s not real.”

“You want me to starve or something?”

“I can’t even breathe around you, can I?”

Almost nobody believes me when I say,

“I have a neurological disorder that makes me hate certain sounds”

Because that obviously sounds ridiculous and made up.

I have to live with this.

I have to live as a Misophonic who feels guilty

For asking someone to stop chewing so loudly

For asking someone to stop tapping their leg

For asking for a different booth when people near me eat loudly

For eating dinner in my room while my family eats at the table

I have to live with this horrible experience of hell on earth.

 

I Am

Fighting for my Sanity.

 

But it’s all in my head, right?

No,

It is all too real

And it is all too dreadful.

 

This poem is about: 
Me
Poetry Terms Demonstrated: 

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