I Am Not Her

Location

On the stage stands

A loud, confident young woman

She always answers questions in class

Her voice clear and unwavering

She is comfortable in her skin

On the stage stands

A just, moral young woman

Her choices based on what's right

She is not impulsive

Nor is she rigid

She 

Makes no mistakes

All of her actions have a purpose

And when they don't....

She pretends that they do.

 

She may represent me

But I am not her.

I'm silly

I act on impulses

I'm quick to anger, and sometimes... most times, doing whats right

Doesn't feel as good as I need it to

I'm self critical

Everytime my mouth closes

I listen to all the words I've spoken on an endless loop

I am not confident

At least not the way I pretend to be

I did not wake up like this

Yes I did study for that test, and yes I am proud of my grade

Yes I care about the way others view me

Yes your opinions matter to me.

I don't speak confidently either.

I stutter.

Everytime a word leaves my mouth

Without tripping and falling

Its because I forced it to practice

I forced it to practice until it was graceful.

 

So here I sit behind the curtain

I watch her put on the show that I quit at the last minute

I watch her flawlessly recite the words that I labored over

I gaze at the ease of her delivery

The lazy acceptance on attention

She doesn't squirm before their eyes,

I see as much from behind the curtain.

Guide that inspired this poem: 

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