I am trying.

I am trying, forever climbing, searching for any way up and out of rock bottom.But with each step and with each new effort I slowly begin to fall.I'm just the girl the worlds forgotten afterall.I am the girl who lost her way while trying to fake her way through life. What a mistake, I should've known, in my back i would find this knife.It twists and turns and picks at me, it's stabbing, in this blood I begin drowning..I could climb, but I'd rather drown..I'm frozen in place, watching as the red liquid covers the ground..Red, the only color inside of me. Red, the only color I can see. I am so empty, black and white slowly becomes me..I let it drip, in my blood I sit, I know that I will drown. I'm to tired now to fight. this feels just right, why would I fight?No, I would much rather quit..I tried to climb and I lost my mind, so I'm letting go, I will quit.I let the darkness cover me like the blood that has left my veins. I let the hole swallow me whole, I let the pain take all control.There is no future, there never was, my eyes could never see it. My hands could never hold it, they could barely hold up my own head..I barely could hold up a smile, I'd rather drown in frustration instead. I am the victim of myself, I am guilty of causing this pain. I am guilty of giving up on my lungs. I am guilty of stopping the beating of my own heart..I am the victim, life has been raping and tearing me apart..I am guilty of breaking my bones the way I broke down my own dreams..I'm so small in the present, which is why the future was never for me. This pain is not who I am, but its been injected in my veins. the past has always haunted me, now the present is doing just the same.I am guilty of stopping my breathing, I'm guilty of feeling ashamed, I'm guilty of losing my hope, guilty of giving up faith..I am guilty of hurting myself, I have caused myself all this pain..the present is slowly killing me. I surrender to life's mind game. 

Comments

TamingOfSeaWolves

i too wanted to surrender and i almost did: but God called to me so i read His book. i have found peace and this time i realized the weakness didn't have to stop, in fact it couldn't flaws are what perfect us, even if those scars are small or big, shallow or deep. we shoudn't tryu to p rotect ourselves but rather take off all our armor, and see what happens. i have heard it said that love is like a stab to the heart, but to let that happen we have to lay down our armor. good luck

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