I didn't think that getting older would be as bad as getting sober

I didn't think that getting older would be as bad as getting sober

It’s like my mind's been trynna to escape me

Suicide thoughts, been having them on the daily

It’s like my happiness leaves me then

the vapor leaves my pen

I used to be happy but lately

Even myself has been trynna leave me

At 11 I played my music loud because 

I was not

A year later i’d up til 12 to match my age, 

I kept strange hours closer to me than friends

truth be told a seed of friendship

Is harder to grow than weed


13 year old me swore not to put nicotine past her lungs 

Didn't know it’d relax her more than any lullaby ever sung


From 14 through 15  I’d tell myself addiction is nothing more than fiction

the only solid things in my life were the ice in my drinks

But they'd melt 

And water down my drink as tears watered down my face 


At 16 I’d  look for plugs 

I decided  I’d rather ask for drugs than hugs

Because at least I could make drugs last


At 17 I decided to never say I'm an addict

Cus to be an addict

Creates a depiction of an overdose on

prescription medication

But i’m not there yet


My will to live has resigned

And I need help to unwind 

Happiness is leaving faster than youth

I didn't know that maturity would be tied with 

Insecurities being forced on to me 


At the end of the day

I'm just a girl sipping lean 

hand in hand with being eighteen

Writing poetry for those who didn't know that ,getting older would be as bad as getting sober


This poem is about: 


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