I would love to think I know who I am but I don't believe I do.
I am always told how I should act and what I should say in certain situations.
I am told that what I wear is not good enough or is weird.
I am told that I am quiet and happy and cute and weird and unique and sometimes crazy.
I am told I am ridiculous for wearing jeans in the summer.
I am told to do this and do that by my parents.
I am told by my relatives that I should go to school to do what they think I should do.
I am told by friends that I am cool and reserved and fun when you get to know me.
I am told my councelours at school that if I don't do this and that now I will not be successful in the future.
I am told so many lines of B.S that it is hard to keep up.
I am told that life is hard unless you do things the "right" way.
I am told all of these things that are meant to be good natured but all come out as ignorant comments that wreck my idea of who I am and what I want.
The truth is, my whole life I have been ignoring everyone. I can not take the thought of being anyone but myself and doing anything I do not want to.
I respect others, as I should but that does not mean I have to comply and mold into their definition of what makes a perfect me.
And so what.
So what, I do not know who I am.
I have been keeping myself cooped up so when I am out of my parents grip I can discover myself.
When I venture off I can make new, better friends who don't care that I am not their definition of "cool" or am not actually quiet; I just don't like to conform to their cliques and their ways of dressing and acting.
I can wear jeans in the summer and I don't have to know who I am because I might just be me and thats it.
Who I am is for me to find out, not for me to be told.
And one day I will find out, and the next I might not know again. Its not about being a certain way or in a certain classification.
Its about being free enough mentally to know that I am me and know one will change that.