I don’t want to feel blue anymore.

I’m tired of crying the same blue tears

I’m tired of only being the one listening, with my own two ears

I’m tired of wiping these same blue tears and overthinking my fears

I don’t want to feel blue anymore.

Every day, I wake up with the same pain; I wonder why can’t things be like before

Even on the beautiful days with that “beautiful” blue sky; In my eyes, blue is anything but beautiful

It is chaos that drives me insane

It is knowing the unknown and its making me afraid

I am stuck. Paralyzed, drowning, fatigued with the thought that I am alone.

Nobody seems to understand how I feel and if I tell, I get told that I am stupid

I am in the blue ocean water. It’s calm but deep beneath, I am wounded.

I don’t want to feel blue anymore.

From the top of my head to the bottom of my feet

I want to start feeling strength in my bones

I want to stop thinking about myself with words and situations that tear me up with stones

I’m tired, unhappy, overwhelmed, by the thought that nothing seems as valid when it comes from my mouth, my heart, my soul, and my being.

I’m tired of being blue because being blue seems awful and when I’m not blue, what do I feel? Nothing.

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.

That’s the only thing that comes out of my mouth these days

I spill endless words and sentences that form puddles at the bottom of my feet because everything is just… blue.

It was hard to write this because there’s not enough words to show what I’m trying to convey on one piece of paper. Too many thoughts crumpled up and too much darkness to even to be poetically beautiful.

There’s not enough words to explain how “blue” I feel

Because everything seems clear, empty, stead yet all tumbled into one

That’s the color blue.

Motionless but vibrant

Vibrant like all those colors in the spectrum because I am MORE than just blue.

I am more than blue because just because I am sad and heartbroken doesn’t mean I am anything less than that.

I am nice, thoughtful, caring and I’m tired of just being the “sad girl” by the closest friend’s I have.

I am tired of getting taken advantage of when I help others not to feel so “blue”

I am tired of being hurt by things that shouldn’t matter but do matter because I care too much.

Blue is wrapped around my skin like velvet; taunting my wellbeing and it’s hard for me to even stop because all I can do, is just rely on that one “blue” feeling

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.

It repeats in my head like an alarm; ringing in my ears, causing shivers down my spine and leaving me breathless, leaving me empty because happiness can’t be mine.

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.

That’s all I see between these blurred lines and I want to end it all at sometimes

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue.

The warmth of my body has vanished

All this ever caused me was such damage

The only warmth I get is when I feel flame against my skin

I try to be positive as hard as I can; this is why I try to be kind to others because I hate to see others with such despair in their eyes and emptiness in their soul because feeling “blue” isn’t poetically beautiful.

It is sadness, it is torture and It shouldn’t be romanticized

It is the feeling of waking up every day; wondering if people felt the same way about you, wondering if things do get better, wondering if everything happens for a reason or if everything happened because of you, wondering if people accept you and what you are.

I crave the colors from others. The red and The pink. The orange and the yellow.

Because feeling “blue” is tiring and all I want is to experience what I am beneath all of this mess.

 

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue

That’s all I think about when I think of you

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue

I would have never thought I grew

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue

Maybe that’s the only reason why I knew how to get through

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue

If only you knew

I don’t have the courage to stand up here and tell you that I’m happy as can be when I hate myself for not redoing the things I used to do.

I don’t have the courage for many things

Yet everyone tells me that I need to fly and grow some wings

Wings may help, but it is impossible when I’m tied down to the earth by strings

Blue. Blue. Blue. Blue

I appreciate the thought of you

I appreciate the colors within you

I appreciate everything about you

But I need to forget about you

 

How do I forget about the color blue when that’s all I’ve ever known?