I hate the silence

it is one of the scariest times

because it causes me to be vulnerable

A kind of vulnerable when I have no choice but to be real with myself

and there is no one to tell me i’m great,

and no one that says they love me

but i am left, in the silence, with my own self deprecating thoughts and insecurities

and when it's silent i have time to think

about how i wish my body were different

and how i wish my personality was different.  

and when it's silent

there is time for me to cry

and time for me to let the pain of everything i’ve been holding come crashing in.

when it's silent the world feels as though it's come to a stop

and that i’m alone

and no one understands that I am not strong

and i need someone to help me feel good again.

when it's silent my monsters come out

and they won’t leave

they just stare at me with their yellow eyes telling me i need to change

and be less like myself.

they tell me to put away the harry potter

be ok with misogyny

get a better butt

face

legs

and hands

and the worst part is that

their faces resemble mine

yet they don’t

they accent all the things wrong with me

they talk too much

like me

they are not pretty

like me

they have weird eyebrows

like me

they are my monsters

but when people start talking again

they hide themselves away

until the next time the world is silent