i found myself driving and driving and getting anxious with excitement as we approached their house

excitement that i would be facing new people and not the old one who flipped some things upside down

 

i find myself trying so hard to be something and do things that i think will make me who i want to be

but should i be this conscious of it all?

 

we pull up and walk into their house and shuffle up the stairs and turn the corner into his room

sitting there is the one that i thought i was rid of

 

he looks at me with those eyes that deceive me every time,

yet i keep finding myself questioning,

making up scenarios that he wants me back and misses me and that's why he's here

 

i act like i don't notice him

and he tries so hard to bring up past memories, but dude.

you have a girlfriend.

don't do this, i know i don't want you but goddamn why do you have to have every girl like you?

be content with the girl who's stupid enough to not see through what you do

 

why did you need to keep asking, "remember when?"

yes i fucking "remember when" i have a memory

but do i miss it like you're hoping I'm going to say?

no.

 

i have way too much pride and am too stubborn to give in.

it's so hard because in that moment my brain kept convincing and tempting myself to fall into this trap

and tried to tell me that he was looking at me with hope in his eyes, but that can't be true because i was just his side girl

if i was special to him he would've been doing with me all that he is now with the new girl.

i'm not jealous.

I'm just in a battle with myself because i don't know what i want.

i left my heart in oak lawn.

i got it back today, and don't think i'll be bring it around there again.