I lost myself years ago

Tried to find me, looked to and fro

But nothing helped, I was frayed

The darkness inside me has always stayed

 

I tried to find myself in the loneliness

Isolating not participating

Giving in to my fear, my doubt

Never even looking out for a chance to be heard

And escape the hurt and the pain plaguing my every thought

But that never seemed to work

 

I tried to find myself in the glide of a razor across my skin

Never failing to help me feel like I fit in

To this world of feeling alive, slowly giving me this drive

To cut more and more

Feeling relief, looking down as the blood poured

But that never seemed to work

 

I tried to find myself in the bottle of pills

I snuck as no one saw

Always persistent, emotions so raw

Each brought a happy grin, and an upbeat chin

As my dizzy eyes glazed on by

Always about to cry as I search for the reason

I no longer could go around pleasing those around me

But that never seemed to work

 

I tried finding myself in the bottom of a bottle

Slowly staggering around, constantly searching, never found

But the horrid taste didn’t seem to matter

Because nothing could compare to all the chatter going on in my mind

Constantly telling me I’m not good enough,

Preventing me from getting any better

But that never seemed to work

 

I lost myself years ago

And maybe one day I’ll be free from this, but for now,

I’m just regular messed up me