I Miss You, Brandon

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My heart broken and never healed
A foggy memory of you I wish I could kill
Skin like a brand new bar of milk chocolate
A smile like a stud
Your laugh so special it brought me out of the mud
The jokes you told still rings in my ears
Sometimes it brings me to tears
Your grave piled with flowers
Sunflowers to be exact

You’d feed me honey nut cheerios when you visited
And I’d make farting noses with my small mouth
I called you my favorite cousin
I’d whisper it to you of course

My throat is starting to feel a little hoarse

I recall you always wearing blue scrubs
Though the greens one looked better on you
A nurse in training
Perfect for a kind heart
A bright future you had waiting

I know now you were depressed
I was too young to catch onto the mess
No one ever told me what you wrote on that very letter
The one you left behind, your last words ever written
I suppose it’s better to live on never knowing
It’ll hurt less

I made up stories in my head to ease the pain
Told a close friend once you went into a deep dark forest
Fought so bravely a bear attacked at your chest
There your life ended
A courageous way to leave this world I thought
No one has to know you didn’t actually fight a 9 ft. bear
No one has to know you had other intentions when you went into that deep dark forest
No one has to know police found you hanging from a tree
No one has to know how unhappy you were really
No, no they don’t

But they do now
Maybe it only took admitting it to ease this burden in my heart
Unfinished story telling
Words left unsaid
A kiss goodbye still holding
Fantasies of you still being here still shed
I miss you, Brandon
 

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