i used to think god was listening

Fri, 10/30/2015 - 14:14 -- kaara

i used to think that god listened to me when i prayed at night,
my knees stained with remorse as i kneeled by my bedside

desperately pleading to be absolved of my human


yet my faith in god was never enough to anchor me in the murky ocean of my mind

nor was it enough to stop my innocence from flying away from me
like a spirit leaving its body

i used to think god was listening
and was left waiting for the promise of a miracle that never came

i believed in him because i needed him to believe in me
i believed in him because i needed to believe in me

 

the fires of faith turned to ash,
leaving my strength incinerated,
my skin unrecognizable,
and my fragile hands charred and empty

and from those ashes
i rose
stronger because i realized

that i cannot search for salvation outside of myself
 

i am divine
and human
my own alpha

and omega

i must both create my own reality

and be my own miracle

 

i used to think god was listening
until i stood up on my own two feet
and carried on alone

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