I watched

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I watched you drink. Flood your life's regrets away with alcohol as if when you wake up in the morning, you wouldn't be able to remember them all. I watched you cry. Long, helpless nights, as if your eyes have cried so many rivers before. I watched you hate. I watched you hate yourself as if every last breath you took you wanted it to be your last because you couldn't understand how something so worthless was worth using so much oxygen. I watched you beat. I watched you beat dad because you said he was a "piece of shit" and everyone man you've ever come across has treated you worse then he did. I watched you cut. I watched you cut yourself trying to prove that blood is thicker then water even though you didn't believe it yourself. And I watched. I watched as I prayed every night for God to come down and wrap you in his arms and tell you everything is going to be okay because mine were to little. Mommy I watched, as you promised you'd never do it again, but that same night you ended up doing it again and that next morning, you promised me again you wouldn't do it, but yet you did mom. And you watched, as I became bitter. And you watched as I became angry because all those nights that I watched you, you should've been watching me. And all those nights that you needed a drink, you've should've needed me and all those nights were you said you didn't want to live, you should've said you wanted to live because of me mom. Now I watch, as I hope to never see anything of you, become of me.

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