He was there

He was sick

He was gone

And the world came crumbling down in sad looks and  “I’m so sorry”

Soon it was all “I’m missing you’ and “Why aren’t you here anymore?”

When the good days were viciously burned into bad days by a measly Father's Day card.

 

But I was still here

Yet here wasn’t here without him

So I didn’t want to be here anymore

And the darkness surrounded me with sharp knives and unattainable relief

Soon it was all “The cat scratched me” and “Yeah I’m totally fine”

When I couldn’t pretend anymore I sat myself down with the truth

“I think it’s time to see daddy again”

 

Closed eyes

Deep breath

Sharp Blade

Praying for Death

 

Something happened

Something saved me

Suddenly there were words even when the crying closed my throat

There was expression and beauty

And then I realized

You can’t hold a knife and a pen at the same time

I chose to write myself a pulse.