Ice Too Thin

Location

She was getting skinnier

By the day

So much thinner

By the week.

The sickness

Invading her body;

Intruding,

Uninvited,

Fatal.

Her bones

Protruding.

Her mother

Wishing.

She was

Crying,

Dying,

Exemplifying

What it’s like

To be so sick.

Not knowing

What to do.

To fall so ill,

Yet feel no change,

It seemed so strange,

What is

This exchange?

Her mother

Is crying,

Begging,

Wanting the meds.

What mother doesn’t know

Is it’s all

in her head.

She doesn’t want to be fed

Only to go bed

To lay,

To sleep

Forever.

“Leave me alone,”

She cries,

Tears filling up

In her eyes,

Trying to hide

The sorrow she’s

Been hiding

For so long.

Not wanting it to all

Go to waste.

Not for this one day.

Not a word,

She tells herself.

Don’t even say why

What mother does

 Hurts you because

What she doesn’t know

Is how sad you are

How lonely,

Betrayed,

And troubled

You are.

The last thing she needs

In her life right now

Is for you to complain

When people

Have so much

Worse than you.

So shut up

And suck it in.

I don’t know when

But someday

You will be able

To say

“I’m not sick anymore

And I’m thin.”

She treads to

Her room,

The door silently shuts.

She turns the lock slowly,

Don’t wake them up.

She then turns

Around to face

The demon she’s

Been avoiding

For so long.

This thing in the mirror;

She doesn’t see

The potential

It has.

The person

It could be.

In the mirror

All she sees

Is calories,

Memories,

Tragedies.

Fat,

Numbers,

Hatred,

The scars,

The blood,

The stains.

Everything

That she isn’t

And never has been.

So down

Goes the mirror,

Down with

Her body.

Glass is shattered,

Her stomach still

Empty.

Blood is spilling,

She can’t

Hear a thing.

Her heart is pounding,

Her hands

Shaking,

Her mind,

Racing.

Her wrists are

Stained.

Is it too late?

She tries to stand,

She moves

Her hands.

Only to land

Back on the floor.

Explicit,

Graphic,

More than she

Had ever

Imagined.

Had she gone

Too far?

She cries out,

Now she wants help.

Seconds pass,

The bloody river

Doubles.

Yet, she can’t

Find her voice.

It’s somewhere inside.

Or maybe it’s gone

And she’s left

All alone

With nothing

But bones,

Nothing but

Scars,

Nothing but

Tears,

Nothing but

Misunderstanding.

The love

She just wanted,

The acceptance

She never got.

It all had a cost:

This young girl’s

Life was lost.

There’s no

More exhaust,

She thought as

She tossed

The shard of glass

Away from herself;

Knowing it’s over,

Knowing that’s it.

The pain is numbed;

It’s getting hard to commit.

But there’s no

Turning back.

There’s no

“Never mind”.

This it is,

It’s the last time.

Tell her dad,

Tell her mom,

Tell her brother,

Tell her sisters,

Tell them all,

She didn’t mean

To go this far.

All she wanted

Was to lose

A little bit

Of weight.

And the cutting;

It wasn’t

Supposed to

Become a habit

Of slitting her

Wrists,

Her thighs,

Her hips.

The blood was

So pretty,

Intriguing,

Feeding

The demon

Inside

That extended

Its claws

From the inside

Out.

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