If Only I Knew

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School was always tough for me,

I never imagined how cruel people could be.

They pushed and clawed,

They made me feel flawed.

Day in and day out I tried to hide,

Choosing to give up and evade life,

Soon to be a great mistake,

For my mother was for someone else to take.

It took too long for me to take a stand,

What was there to do? No one would lend me a helping hand.

 

Once I came to life,

I learned I was very ¨bright¨

Although I continued to make wrong choices,

I did what I was told by the voices.

¨Take that knife to your wrist,¨ they told me,

¨As you wish,¨ they were all I could be.

I was smart, but did not belong,

I wish I could say I am wrong.

One last drop of crimson on the floor,

I knew I would beat no more.

 

I now can see myself and only myself,

I left the voices in a box, lying on that shelf.

I can take a stand,

I can give you a hand

And help you to see

Everything you can come to be.

I am ¨bright,¨

I was always right.

I wish I knew then

What life could have been.

 

If I did things right at first try,

I would never have learned to cry.

I would never have learned to do it my own,

If only I had known.

I would not be here,

But I could peer--

Into this book,

I mustn't --but I have to-- go ahead, take a look.

Learning will become my greatest passion,

And curiosity to drive my only fashion.

 

A new school,

A new place, new faces, do I wish to be cool?

On the outside I say no,

But the feelings inside can’t help but grow.

I wish I was in your shoes,

Many more choices I would choose.

All the schooling I could imagine,

I could do anything, I imagine.

But my fear would leave me cold and blind,

Maybe, just maybe, I would stay in my shoes, and stay behind.

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