I'll Never Know "Why?"

They were so jelous of her,

She had the grades, the friends, the atittude.

They all wished they were her... And she just wished she was someone else.

She hides behind cigarette smoke and prescription pills on her bad days

She still looks back at the scars on her arms, and still tries to hide them,

Still thankful you can't see the ones on her heart,

They were so jealous of her,

JELAOUS OF WHAT

Jealous of the way she shook in fear as she lay in bed grinding her teeth 'til all hours of the night

Jealous of how she felt the need to drown herself in pain killers and deprive herself of food to look good and feel good.

Jealous of the way her mom told her that she was the mistake, that she was the reason they were unable to have "nice, expensive things."

Jealous of the way her dad called her a disappointment for every insignificant screw up.

Jealous of the way that guy called her beautiful, told her he loved her & still raped her in a sunflower field in January in the back of his shiny blue Mustang.

But they were all so jealous of her,

They told her to kill herself, they told her no one would care, all because they were so jealous of her...

But she didn't.

She didn't kill herself.

She got ahold of her self destruction,

She no longer depends on pills to make her happy,

She sits down at the table and eats real food,

She still looks back at her scars though, they'll never know what really happened.

They'll never know why she had those cut,

They'll never know why she was always sick,

They'll never know why she was never hungry...

And she will never know why they were so jealous of her mask and the cigarette smoke she hides behind to forget...

I'll never know why they were so jealous.

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