see theres this thing
this feeling
that eats
and eats
and eats away at my brain
and i feel guilty and cruel
and wrong
because thats what they told me
i was SUPPOSED to feel
and theres this thing
that is so bad
and i know it is
and its inside
and i cant HIDE it anymore
i cant PRETEND it doesnt exist
i can live in these LIES
because that’s all it is
selfishly put
and selflessly built
on a pillar of sand
that turns to dust when the wind blows by
woosh
and i’m gone
with the wind
and the rain
in the dust.
alone
and cold
and empty
and rotting.
Here I am outside of your window
knocking on your door
living in your basement
instead of on the main floor
always demoted to next door
or the attic
but never in your heart
you will never form me in to a peice that fits
you’d rather push me aside
and pretend i dont exist
always FORCED to question
for the LIFE of me i wish there was
ONE solid answer
ONE hand to hold
ONE soft cheek that i could touch
and ONE thumb to wipe the tears that are pouring
POURING from my eyes
endless
silent
sobs.
heaving
weezing
easing into the idea of this TORTURE
that they created
they made this
but NO MORE
because i have to pilot my plane now
i have to captain the ship
lead the troops
because i would be fooling myself if i said i wasnt going down
without a fight
because im not
ive been fighting and fighting and FIGHTING
and damnit i am so tired of
the cuts
and scars and bruises
and yelling and screaming
and crying
and making up
or maybe was it faking up
was it all a joke?
was i used and abused as a puzzle
once you solve the riddle
woops
there she goes
out the window
on the street
in the trash
carboard boxes melting in the rain
and i find out
NO there is no resolution
to the revolution
im stuck
youre stuck
and we’re both fucked
wouldnt it be easy to let it stay?
forever that way?
no.
you are penetrating my soul
with your words
and im deserted
burned bruised and wasted
all because of what i was
SUPPOSED to feel
SUPPOSED to say
HIDING
PRETENDING
LYING
wide eyed under the sky
begging and praying to a god
that never helped me
and deserted me
i god i stopped living for a long time ago
but praying
for the world
for kids
for the girls and the boys
the moms and the dads
the lone few that wander lost
the ignorant minds
and those who know to much
and are ignorant in knowledge
and i fled
i fled so fast
and im in the field with the horses
FORCED to question LIFE ONE more time
POURING out the words one by one
TORTURING you with all of my words
but i cant… NO MORE.
I cannot FIGHT
we cannot fight
because we will be disappointed
when we lose
and our egos will boost when we win.
and there is NO way to right the wrongs
so instead i’ll write poems.