Illuminated Omissions

Location

I saw the shapes and shadows of cars driving by and the golden brown grain of the

exit door shining in the light.
    I would've considered how heavy his weight was

 I was entranced by the

 dents and scratches on the door

 I wondered if he had a cat and if that cat had made the scratches and if they yelled at the cat for making the scratches and whether or not they bought the cat or found the cat stray and if the cat was in the house now and could hear my thoughts – cats don’t hear thoughts- that was a stupid idea

Why-the-hell-cant-I-get-up-just-scratch-his-face

 My eyes flirted with the door as my soul left my body

It  traveled to meet the place where ceiling becomes wall. 

When I said no, it was because I wasn’t ready to have sex at fourteen

When I said no, I meant it

When I had said no at five, I meant it, even though I didn’t know what I was saying no to

Fourteen wasn't the first time I lived on the ceiling of a room or considered the construction of a door.

When I was five, I learned a lot about doors

I was experienced in the art of

scratches

polyurethane

             dents

            I am not an expert on doorways because I am a carpenter, interior designer, or architect

                        They simply saved me from seeing—them--

                                                The body snatchers

            I heard once that when you’re broken inside you’re broken forever

                        For a long time I found myself at the bottom of the shower

                                    Lifting my body I would strike myself in between

hyperventilation and chest heaves

            I heard once that when you’re broken inside you’re broken forever

                        But I can tell you that I have flowers growing out of my soul

                                                Slow regeneration

                                    Once I stepped onto the diving board

                                                I saw brilliant light bulbs illuminate around me

                                    I dove into the water and came back up clean           

            I felt the whispers of my closest friends

                        “It happened to me too”

Between an exchange of alcohol and cigarettes they tell me what they’ve left out of their narrative for years. Leaving your rape story out of your narrative is like…

          Leaving the camera out of focus

                        Illuminate your omissions

                        Someone stole your self worth…

                                                Your dignity

                                    Your Trust

                                                Your confidence

                                    Your understanding

                                                Your light

                                    You make sense

                                                I can see you clearly now

            My darling, what happened to you happens to many

                                    It is certainly not a death sentence

                     Thrust into regretful wisdom

                                                Wisdom comes with pain and with beauty

            Let your flowers grow

                               Find a way to connect back to your body

                                    It’s safe now- it's safe

                                                Look at your strong feet

                                    Your forceful legs

                                                You could use them for running

                        Or you can use them for kicking down doors

 

 

Comments

grace.aurora95

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

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