Illuminated Omissions
Location
I saw the shapes and shadows of cars driving by and the golden brown grain of the
exit door shining in the light.
I would've considered how heavy his weight was
I was entranced by the
dents and scratches on the door
I wondered if he had a cat and if that cat had made the scratches and if they yelled at the cat for making the scratches and whether or not they bought the cat or found the cat stray and if the cat was in the house now and could hear my thoughts – cats don’t hear thoughts- that was a stupid idea
Why-the-hell-cant-I-get-up-just-scratch-his-face
My eyes flirted with the door as my soul left my body
It traveled to meet the place where ceiling becomes wall.
When I said no, it was because I wasn’t ready to have sex at fourteen
When I said no, I meant it
When I had said no at five, I meant it, even though I didn’t know what I was saying no to
Fourteen wasn't the first time I lived on the ceiling of a room or considered the construction of a door.
When I was five, I learned a lot about doors
I was experienced in the art of
scratches
polyurethane
dents
I am not an expert on doorways because I am a carpenter, interior designer, or architect
They simply saved me from seeing—them--
The body snatchers
I heard once that when you’re broken inside you’re broken forever
For a long time I found myself at the bottom of the shower
Lifting my body I would strike myself in between
hyperventilation and chest heaves
I heard once that when you’re broken inside you’re broken forever
But I can tell you that I have flowers growing out of my soul
Slow regeneration
Once I stepped onto the diving board
I saw brilliant light bulbs illuminate around me
I dove into the water and came back up clean
I felt the whispers of my closest friends
“It happened to me too”
Between an exchange of alcohol and cigarettes they tell me what they’ve left out of their narrative for years. Leaving your rape story out of your narrative is like…
Leaving the camera out of focus
Illuminate your omissions
Someone stole your self worth…
Your dignity
Your Trust
Your confidence
Your understanding
Your light
You make sense
I can see you clearly now
My darling, what happened to you happens to many
It is certainly not a death sentence
Thrust into regretful wisdom
Wisdom comes with pain and with beauty
Let your flowers grow
Find a way to connect back to your body
It’s safe now- it's safe
Look at your strong feet
Your forceful legs
You could use them for running
Or you can use them for kicking down doors