I'm Just Another Girl with Too Thick, Caked-On Makeup

Location

In the morning, I don't have time to go slow

Because I have to be at the church

At 5:50 am

To make God happy.

This is my first layer of makeup.

 

At seminary, the teacher asks me to give a spiritual thought.

I sing the song of that scripture that I memorized in 9th grade

Because it was catchy:

1 Corinthians 10:13.

I say I know it's true that God won't give us anything that we can't handle

And I sit down and everyone says amen.

 

This is my second layer of makeup.

 

My first period has this girl with blonde hair

Who is so pretty that she could be a cheerleader,

But she likes to talk about WWE.

So, we laugh and talk and she is my friend.

 

This is my third layer of makeup.

 

In my fourth period I sit next to another pretty girl

Who sits next to a pretty boy

And I don't listen to them when they talk to each other all period because that is rude.

 

This is my fourth layer of makeup.

 

During lunch, I am with a girl who has very short, very red hair.

She is very nice and she is my friend.

She talks to everyone and I think she makes me more social.

I watch everyone eat because I always forget to make a lunch.

 

This is my fifth layer of makeup.

 

At home, I ask Mom how was your day and she says busy, or frustrating, or long, or fine.

She doesn't ask how my day was.

But that is okay,

Because I know she has other things to think about.

 

This is my sixth layer of makeup.

 

When Dad gets home, we eat dinner.

The food is good and I tell everyone I love you

And they all say it back

Because they are my family.

 

This is my seventh layer of makeup.

 

At night, when I lay down to sleep, I scrub off all my makeup.

 

When Dad gets home, we eat dinner

And every bite takes effort.

No one says I love you unless I say it first,

So I say it because I need to hear it,

Even if it's not true.

 

Now, I have six layers of makeup.

 

At home, I ask mom how was your day and she says busy, or frustrating, or long, or fine.

I keep hoping she'll ask how mine was.

But she doesn't,

Because she's thinking about other things.

 

Now, I have five layers of makeup.

 

During lunch, I am with a girl who has very short, very red hair.

I thought we were friends,

But it turns out she acts like that with everyone.

I don't talk to people when she's around; she does the talking.

I watch everyone eat because sometimes I feel like I don't deserve food.

 

Now, I have four layers of makeup.

 

In my fourth period I sit next to a pretty girl

Who is so smart and could do anything she wanted,

Except all she does is flirt with the pretty boy beside her.

It's hard not to listen to them,

And it makes me sad.

 

Now, I have three layers of makeup.

 

My first period has this girl with blonde hair

Who is so pretty that she intimidates me.

I pretend we are friends, but, really, we kno

w nothing about each other,

And I am all alone.

 

Now, I have two layers of makeup.

 

At seminary, the teacher asks me to give a spiritual thought,

And I freeze because I can't say anything honest.

So, I sing the song with the catchy beat and pretend that I believe it,

Because I can't disappoint him.

I sit down, and everyone says amen.

Even the ones like me.

Now, I have one layer of makeup.

 

In the morning, I don't have time to go slow

Because my parents want me at the church

At 5:50 am

To learn about a gospel I don't believe in

Because I know God doesn't care.

 

Now, I have no makeup.

 

In the morning, I start over.

 

Comments

AmberWriter

Hey.

My name's Maddie. 

I live in Alaska right now. I don't know of any other religion with early morning seminary, so would it be correct to assume you are Mormon? I am. I just wanted to say hi. I'm glad you're writing. Because it's hard for me to find teens in my religion who are active and wiling to be honest. And I can't assume you're active, but I can assume you're being honest and I just wanted to say hi. I get it. I get it. I understand it. Down to the catchy song. I get it.

It gets better.

Thank you for sharing. It means a lot to me.

thisiswhatthecoolkidsdo

Hi Maddie,

Sorry it took so long to get back to you! 

I live in Washington, so sort of close-ish. I've actually always wanted to go to Alaska, and want to go to college there.

You are correct to assume I am Mormon. Well, at least my family is. I'm not sure.

I am active, though whether that is because I wish to be is another question altogether...

Nonetheless, I really appreciate your comment. A whole lot.

Many of my (active) Mormon friends here are actually pretty honest about stuff like this, and I guess that's really helped me. I'm so sorry you have a hard time finding others who are honest about this.

I'm gonna go check out some of your poems now, actually!

Thank you so much,

Allyssa

 

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