I'm Not in Love

I once had someone tell me that if you're lying awake at four am you're either in love or lonely, and let me tell you that's not the case because as I lie here all I can feel is the poison you've created coursing through my veins. The poison that you made out of the passion that I gave you and the love that I prayed you allow to fill the places that your demons played in. I wanted to be your rock because you were always stuck in a hard place but the look on your face always told me it wasn't enough to just love you fiercely and mend your pieces and plant flowers in your darkest places because they needed light to grow and you refused to let go of the shadows that lived inside your ribcage. And I'm tired. And I'm tired because I've been lighting myself on fire trying to feel the spark I used to before you decided liquor gives better kisses than I do and I cant compare to a bottle of liquid courage. I'm sure as hell not in love but maybe im lonely because while trying to fix you I lost me and the echo in my chest almost sounds like a heartbeat but it cant be because my bones are wrapped in weeds and storm clouds fill my lungs and my heart is covered in tar so my tongue can't use it to speak. I was so focused on bringing you light that I failed to notice your shadows withered my flowers and left me with thorns and I'm sure as hell not in love but god am I lonely.

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