Not ready to see that face of yours again

The only thoughts I have are memories of mine pressed against yours

That so-called love we used to pass the loneliness we feel in our hearts

Not to return to the surface yet buried beneath smiles

 

My body has moved on; no longer yearning for your touch

My eyes have moved on; no longer searching for your face

My ears have moved on; no longer seeking your caring response

But my mind has not; always yearning, always searching, always seeking, you.

 

I thought I was always in control

Not of you, nor others, or the world

Now I realize I'm not in control of myself either

 

I thought I wasn't always sad

Not from you, nor others, or the world

Now I realize I'm not happy either

 

I thought I had given you enough time

Not about you, nor for you, or the world

Now I realize I'm not ready for you either

 

Will I ever be ready?

Will I ever be happy?

Will I ever be in control?

I. don't. know.