im seriously unable to love. like i always have had this incapability. but suddenly i feel like there might be a chance...but i guess i know its hopeless.

i am in titanium cuffs locked by my inner thoughts

im chained to a brick wall with chains crafted by my dark past

i am bundled and gagged with rags weaved from my own fear and doubt

and i have lost control.

 

he tells me I'm beautiful

that he loves me.

he holds me day and night

cradles me in his firm embrace.

he wraps his warmth around me 

and keeps me safe from myself 

but when he gets too close...

when he smiles with his honey auburn eyes

my experiences flash before my eyes.

 

all i see is arguing 

turns to yelling

turns to screaming 

turns to hopelessness

turns to divorce

turns to heart brake

turns to substance 

turns to

heart break

heart break 

heart brake...

 

the first two lovers that i experienced in my life

proved to me all to early that

happily ever after

true love

it was all a lie.

princesses were just stories.

in real life

one wouldn't possibly care for another.

and young as i was 

i accepted the fact that

it was a myth that anyone could care for me

 

but now your here

and now its real

and i know you care for me

but over the years a brick wall formed. 

brick by agonizing brick of heartbreak

hopelessness

deep scars

cemented together with the soul purpose of protection

of promises to never let myself fall.

i have created the cuffs

the chains

the rags

and i have allowed myself to be imprisoned in them my whole life

only allowing them to get stronger.

and now when i find that possibly...love isn't just a fairy tale...

i cant get out 

no matter how hard i try

in locked in

and I'm never escaping

I've been taken over

by my own fear.

 

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