I'm Stuck on Repeat

I remember his eyes
That they reflected mine,
The golden encapsulated,
Red-flecked beauties
That so often got us confused
For brother
And sister.
I remember how they danced,
Traced the lines up my body
Drilled their holes
Through my spine.
I remember that
When he took a sip
Of that silver can,
His eyes kissed lashes
And I remember how beautiful
I thought that was.
I remember how his eyes,
Despite the
One,
Two,
Three
Cans he downed
Stayed focused on me.
But I remember,
Most of all,
How those golden eyes,
Our shared heart,
Flashed passion,
Before they caused pain.
Those eyes,
In their beauty,
Haunted me for days,
Months,
Years.
And at 18
I thought I had purged them
From my body.
But five years later
And I stare into a new boys eyes,
The ones I thought
Encompassed the ocean,
Defeated the sky,
Swallowed the fish
And enveloped the moon.
I stare as they watch my body
In my white graduation dress
That I thought looked
Oh
So
Pretty.
I stare into his eyes as he grabs my arm
And lifts up the band,
Releases.
I watch the welts form,
Ugly, red scarring on my
Porcelain arms. 
I stare as eyes,
So foreign
But so familiar
Flash passion 
As I go numb with pain.
I hold onto his eyes
And I do not let them go.
It is only when he leaves,
Kissing apologies into the air
That I realize
His eyes are green.

Comments

tdanir1

Beautiful.

summerdaises

Well written.

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741