I'm two years alcohol free, but I still feel this way sometimes

Sun, 09/07/2014 - 10:42 -- aheid5

Location

It's two a.m.

And basically I'm longing to dream again

I'll have my lusts when I awake

But when I close my eyes, I have nightmares that 

I can

Not shake

And I remember running

From a beast or something

But there's only flashbacks from the last year

I slipped my last beer

And slipped a picture of the bottle to a girl who's

Like my sister

Now I never hear more than a whisper

From her

Or anyone

Cuz she's straight edge and

She never liked it when I got drunk

Now getting fucked up

Is my one lust

I want to feel the way I did last fall

When I'd fall

And it wouldn't

Even

Hurt

Anymore

I could slam my finger in a door

And I'd laugh

And forget coming home to screams of how

Fat

I am

From my own mind

And mouth

I just wanna forget

About how I feel like shit

All

The 

Time

And to be honest

I don't even wanna remember the time

Cuz then how would I even know it's two?

And how I should be awake missing you?

I

Still

Have

The

Shakes

In the spaces that your fingers no longer trace

And the lack of bringing cigarettes up to my face

To my blacked out

Mouth

And my blacked out

Eyes

That have recently run out of tears tears to cry

Back then solo cups numbed my pain

I can hardly remember your unbuttoning

And forcing me into your back seat

Oh God

I just

Want

To

Forget again

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