The Introvert and Anxiety

I am an introvert

No I’m not a creepy psychopath

Who watches people from my upstairs bedroom window

I attend events

Sometimes

In fact I walk into every social event  and i have a conversation like this

**Hey what's up its..

Yo how you do-

Look at how many people their are

Where are all the exits?

Where are all the bathrooms?

Look at all the faces

Their looking at me!

Okay maybe it’s because you haven’t said anything to anyon-

Why is her name spelled like that?

Why is alcohol called alcohol?

Why do they call weed… weed?

Is it because weed is a weed within their brain

Making them dumber?

Why do they think you’re a weirdo?

Because you aren’t the same as them?

Is it because I don’t act like beach Barbie?

Hold on... I’m wandering into the assumption that all of them are mean--

Why did they serve shrimp instead of bacon wrapped dates?-

Why did he wear a blue shirt instead of a green shirt?-

Why are they all looking at me?

Why am i talking to myself???**

Every second of every day is loud,

My mind is constantly asking questions

That somehow turn into questions like why pineapple instead of watermelon?

Or why is she laughing at me when she doesn’t even know my name?

When adults tell me...

You should take some Xanax

You should get an antidepressant

You should get that fixed

I always want to respond with something that makes them think about their problems and Anxiety

Like how they look a little chubbier than their driver's license photo they took in High School

Or how I’ve noticed that they have a few grey hairs

You should get that fixed.

Adults ask me ‘why don’t you hang out with your own age?’

I always want to respond with,

Because I feel like the only fish in the water looking outward,

Because they are all judgmental and don't know they are slowly sufficating after every laugh,

Because they all look at me like I'm a loser because I don’t say “OMG You’re tots adorbs!”

Because I scare them, with my silence

These are not assumptions if I say them outloud,

That means I have come to that conclusion after many attempts to observe something that overcomes that assumption.

And the have failed to over come such an assumption becuase it's no longer an assumption to them

It's truth.

But instead I respond to their question with:

“I’m just too busy” with a smile

Even though there are no papers stacked upon my desk.

I go home and sit on my bed, 

Trying to silence the questions

But they’re always there

Why are they always there?

There’s another question to answer...

Of course when I do go to a party

I stand to the side

Because I don’t know anyone

And I repeat the same questioning proccess all over again, unless someone tries to derail my train of thought,

Not because I'm secretly judging you

But that's what everyone assumes I’m doing

I think

I don’t know

All I know is that I never make assumptions

but I also, never come to the right conclusions

I am an Introvert,

And my questions are my anxiety.

 

This poem is about: 
Me

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