I can feel it returning,
slowly working its way back into my system;
I can feel it in the way my hands ache and stumble when I'm writing.
I can feel it, heavy in my stomach.
Like I'm going to be sick.
Like I need to eat.
But the though of food makes me feel
And everything that goes in my mouth I have to
spit back out.
I can feel it in the way my eyes droop
and I look away from the world.
I stare at the floor.
And it's so hard not to cry.
I can feel in in the way that everything,
reminds me of how much I hate myself.
I felt fine this morning, but
by lunchtime everything was
Courtney asked me,
what happened between this morning and...
and I didn't know what to tell her
because I don't know what happened.
All I can remember
is all the bad things he's said.
And I know that's not right because,
"Let me turn the light on; I want to see how beautiful you are."
I just need to keep reminding myself of that.
And every other thing that gets me through the day.
But this sucks.