It’s not depression
It’s not suicidal
It’s not anxiety
Because I tell myself
Others have it worse
How can I subject myself to say that it’s that bad?
Because it’s not
I am healthy
I smile at stupid jokes
I have people who love me
I can go days feeling
If that’s what you’d call it
It might not
There’s always something
Something and nothing
Do humans keep themselves preoccupied because of habit?
Is doing something
does it ward off boredom
for some of us maybe
Or do we simply do something to keep ourselves from The Nothing
Nothing is silence after all
Silence is unnerving
it makes the mind conjure something
or not, it depends, I guess.
Silence is not alone
But alone is almost silence
When I am alone
From beneath my bones it slowly reaches the surface
and then all at once
it is. overwhelming
I can hear my heart beating too loudly for my own good.
It shouldn’t be beating
Why is it beating?
why am i alive i never chose this why is it beating it shouldn’t be beating why am i Still alive
There’s that one lyric from the radio
Silence is violent
It might be
It would be easy
I never Really touched the world
It would work without me
I never decided to enter
but perhaps i could decide to exit
I mean those little incidents add up.
Disappointment from my loved ones. Regrets for my life. Guilt from my sins. False hope given to others. Failures of my touch
I could stop it. I mean
I, at least, had That Power.
There’s a scenario
it was from that one episode i watched, i haven’t finished the series
Put me and another person who is basically the same. Same personality, same style…
but a different face
Would I say that the world was better without them? No I would vehemently respond. Would I tell them they had nothing left to live for? You have so many things to live for. Should they die? Live, I’d say, please.
But what about me? Could I tell that to myself? Because so far my worst enemy has been
Alone. A mirror. That’s all it took. It may be all that it will take.
A future looks so bleak from here.
I should stop when I get the chance, I mean I’m sure I won’t Really affect anything. I guess.
Am I just being pitiful again?
no maybe it’s not
There’s a thing
a nagging thing, really
It’s in the back of my head like ropes straining against a sharp edge
But not cut. It’s not. It’s not already cut, I mean.
Let me tell you something
When you reach a low point
Rock bottom or whatever you call it
You can’t help but look up at the high points you’ve missed in the past
yeah, that puts me in a mood (it’s not depression, it’s not suicidal, it’s not anxiety)
Regret… but that word always implies moving on
i haven’t, probably never will
You can’t help but see the low points you’ll face later
huh, you see
I’m already thinking about living
The silence, like I said, it keeps you thinking
then you’re thinking about what could be’s and how you could change yourself for the better and all those stupid success talks on youtube and future events you’ve already planned out from your dreams and impossible scenarios that will never happen and
strangely You start to hope
I start to hope
Should I live–The Future–I hope it’s worth it
It will be.