journal entry #2

I numb my mind from the altercations that result from me sitting in silence. They say know your enemy well, so I spent hours studying the inside of my mind to find out what makes it go boom.
I kept it close so I can try to keep it in check but it ultimately gets the best of me and I lose this little chess game called life. In my mind I see myself driving this car into this little stream, and running away hoping the car washes away with what ever trace I left. Then maybe I could start fresh, new to this world like an infant taking his first breath.
Sometimes I wonder if the words I scribbled down have any significance or is it just endless ramblings to the empty ears of my peers.
These empty beers are replace by dry tears because I have spent them all on you. So now I pick up this pen and write my soul out and hope that it will see the light of day.
You once said I'd never love anything. It may be true, since you I've realized how wrong I was to utter that four letter lie. Im sorry I never tried, im sorry you buy'd into me investing your love like you'd get a return but only to gain lost hope in me and any thoughts of a future.
Its harder to look into peoples eyes and say that I am worth a single penny, than it is to say im a piece of shit, its no wonder why im growing greys and im only 18.
Im stuck in a cell made of calcium with 2 window's and constant yearning for someone else to join me in this hell. But fuck it, I dont even care anymore.

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