JUDAS ME

My ears pick out his sounds - in the dead of the night 
I hide under the covers - out of mind, out of sight 

I lay frozen with fear - while preparing myself 
To leave my body behind - and put my mind on a shelf 

When he passes me by - I rejoice in his wake 
I laugh under my breath - for tonight I am safe 

But relief turns to guilt with your struggle to be free 
For if he did not choose you - he would choose JUDAS me 

So I lie to myself - to convince me it's true 
That the shadows that dance on the walls are not you 

Then I lie once again - my hands cover my ears 
I chant over and over - that I don't really hear 

The soft fumbling his hands make as he loosens your clothes 
Nor the dying sound innocence makes when it goes 

Please forgive me my sisters - for what is and will be 
and for being so happy - he passed by JUDAS me 

I know all of the sounds the disgusting things  make 
as he greedily gobbles and he nightly partakes 

I hear your soft cries every night in my mind 
they play over and over and with each play I find 

That the peace of the chaste that I pray comes my way 
always comes at a price that is too high to pay 

I remember nothing good ever happens to me 
cause you pay with your soul so I'll walk Judas free. 

This poem is about: 
Me
My family

Comments

zeppelingirl

Living in the same bedroom with your sisters and being abused by your father creates an emotional hell for all the sisters. When it's your night to GET IT, you try and leave your body behind and mentally go anywhere else in the world except your bed with your father in it.

When it isn't your night to GET IT, you are so happy you could do jumping jacks down the hall from the relief of being safe for that single night. But with the sound of your sister GETTING IT, your joy turns into survivers guilt, an absolute terrible form of hell. 

Once again you have to mentally go anywhere else in the world, hating yourelf for being safe in your bed, Judas Iscariat, selling your sisters for 30 pieces of silver. I  don't know what was worse. GETTING IT, or being passed by.

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