some would say / im coasting gray / no rain / no shine. / how far would i go / to go beyond the gray / up to white / or down to black / is it truly better / to feel pain, / than nothing at all. / it must be true / cause i opt for it too. / what would i give, / to feel a little / happiness or sad / whatever it may be / i cant reach the white / so i fall to the black / self mutilation / is that so bad / it sounds gross / but its actually quite pretty / pretty pink skin / and pretty red streams / flowing, flowing / gotta clot it / must stop it / even if i stop this one time / ill be back / to feel something / pain, anger, humilation / its all something / though, not just nothing / my trusty blade, / dependable as always / i know where to find it / though i want to loose it / cant because its all i have / its sick / its nasty / i hate it / i love it / its relief / escape / pain / feeling, good or bad / feeling .