What from my senior year of high school will still hover in my mind above the useless things I tend to cling to.
Is it the death of loved ones? The fear of leaving home? The sudden and massive changes that swept through and turned my world upside down?
Will I remember him still? 20 years from now will my heart still ache for someone who never ached for me?
In the last year I have gone from child to adult
From dependent to free
From fear to happiness
Somedays it's like I live on a roller coaster. I am hurdling through space, through a constant barrage of ups and downs, twists and turns
Through the fear of being a female
The fear of mental illness
The fear of my sexuality
And the fear of my religion
And the thought of knowing that those now in power view me as less than
As a threat
The moment I realized someone I love is never coming back
The feeling of being treated like shit by someone who promised they loved me
A first real heart break
But through the fear and sickness and death and sadness, there are still moments of joy
My best friend and I running through the halls on our last day of high school
Ordering burgers at two in the morning and watching movies
Falling in love for the first time
Having sleepovers with my cousins
Moving out and going to college and FINALLY feeling like I belong somewhere
Learning to finally love myself and realize I matter
Life is full of ups and downs
Sometimes it feels like nothing is ever going right or like it's too good and it'll all come crumbling in
But the trick to being happy?
Is just embrace them and learn to float