Let Me Be Me

Location

Speak Your Mind Slam

Sterling Klein

My brain ticks, going here and there
It pounds and pounds, am I going nowhere?
Why does the grass grow, why do we care?
What if I’m never going anywhere?
All my work has been done for naught.
Every last essay, every last thought.
College is where I need to be
It’s been driven into my head over the years, you see
Be good, be smart, be an adult, act your age
Everything said to me has been changed.
I don’t know where I am to turn
When there’s so much left for me to learn
I want to be smart, I want to be free
Most of all, I just want to be me.
Don’t tell me I can’t just because of poverty
It’s not my fault, this economy
College is expensive but it’s also a tool
How will I ever afford school?
I will not be a slave to my own debt.
I will not be owned, I’ll fight it, you can bet.
You can bet on me to at least try
But will it be enough to get by?
This runs through my brain
Every hour, every day
It pounds and pounds incessantly
Because of my lack of financial security
How will I know that I’ll survive,
Through the next day, week, month, or the next five
I’m always scared, I don’t know what to do
I try and try but it’s never enough to you
You judge me and decide my fate
Can I change my fate, or is it too late?
There are forces beyond my control
Not forces like god, he’s not real, you know
But illness comes and the pain goes
Its enough to keep me always on my toes.

My brother will never get cancer again
I will protect him, however I can
But that means that I must have money
That’s hard in our current economy
His autism had been enough
Couldn’t he had just stayed with that, he’s not that tough
The only to survive cancer in the family
And he did it at only fifteen
Nobody deserves all that
How could a God be true if my brother went through all that?

Now my college fund has been depleted
Because without it, we wouldn’t’ve eaten
Then daddy issues, money troubles
All this trouble is too much trouble
I need to have enough to live
If not for me, for Jasper then.
I try but I know it’ll never be enough
How long can I lie to myself and say I’m tough?
I’m tough and strong, but inside I’m weak
I’m frail and I crumble as the tears stain my cheek
Don’t tell me what I do isn’t the best, like you’ve done for as long as I’ve been alive.
I may not be the smartest, but damn, have I got the drive.

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