Letter to my Future Suicidal Self

Location

I hope that by now you have caught all the butterflies
that once freely fluttered within your intestines.
And instead of killing them,
you keep them in a Mason jar
for the next time you’re numb
and need something to feel
(but be sure to set them free after)

I hope you’ve learned that loneliness
is simply a synonym
for love
and that sleep is only a genuine escape
when it is produced by
sincere fatigue
and not
chalky little pills

I hope that by now you realize
that people can be rotten
but you were born with a garden in your heart
(and that nothing is better for a wilting flower
than a little bit of rain)

I hope that when you trace your
fingers upon the scars on your ankles,
you see them
as nothing more than maps
to dark places that no longer exist

There will be days where your
heart feels so heavy
you will feel like you are drowning
inside of yourself
but rest assure if you tread for long enough
you will reach the shore
and remember:
it’s only the heaviness of a heart
that was once just too familiar with love

Lastly,
I hope you believe in god again
and know
that he gave humans hands
so that we can always
dig ourselves out of
every trench
we’re caught in

Comments

Madelynee21

Very captivating poem. Thank you.

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