Tedrick.

Theodore.

Tommy.

The three names your mother and I 

Narrowed down.

See the world might not have known of your existence

 

But to your mother and I 

You were the sun in the darkness, 

The secret worth keeping 

The days’ worth working

The nights worth nurturing 

 

You were our everything

Our daily topic

Our daily prayer

Our bi-weekly check up

 

See your mother and I 

We’re not on good terms

The only time we spoke 

Was when it was concerning 

Or about you

 

We would argue till her face turns red 

And my hands start to shake

Trying to grab her hand 

“Please No Wait”

 

We would do this so much 

Her friends didn’t want to invite us anywhere

However, all this and we still had

One true thing we shared

 

You 

 

Your heart 

Your mind

Your hands

 

Although you are not here yet

These things still kept us on 

The edge and created this broken 

Vowel of amends

Whether I was there for her or not

 

I was ready to be a man

I was ready to be a dad

 

More than my father ever was

I was gonna buy you the moon

If I could ever get that high

 

I was going to love you 

Until the breath of me

Was in disguise

 

I just wanted to at least see your eyes 

And for you to see my eyes

Your mother’s eyes

My mother’s eyes

Her mother’s eyes

 

Just to see you breathing is enough

I just wanted to see my child

My spawn

My creation bestowed upon by my sin

 

Granted I didn't bring you here the right way

I never wanted to you go

I never wanted to look at the doctor 

With tears in my eyes

I never wanted to tell my friends that you were gone

 

That hospital visit was the worst

Because you were no long 

Said to be here March 

First 

Second 

Or Third

 

See now I'm hurt 

I'm balled up inside

Trying to wrap my mind 

Around you no longer being here

Or me looking at your mother in disbelief

 

Like why me

Granted you were a secret

Why did you have my heart? 

You were me

And now just gone

 

See at first you were non-existent to the world 

My family 

And friends of mine

 

Now the gloomy sky hangs 

We no longer talk

And I never forget that night

 

You were Going to be the best thing

that has happened to me and your mother

Aunts

Uncles and

Cousin

 

I miss you kicking your mom’s belly

To tell me your father to stop being stupid

 

But now the belly doesn’t kick 

And the heartbeat is low

 

See at first you were non-existent

To my family

And friends of mine 

But now that your mother

Has moved on with her life

 

You are now non-existent to 

Your mother and I

 

TEDRICK. 

THEODORE.

TOMMY.

 

The child that never got to see my eyes…

 -Sincerely your father, Torrance Hunter