Everyone goes through hardships in life. I remember last year was the worst for many of my closest friends, but it seemed to be the hardest on my friend Andrew. Andrew is one of my best friends to the point that he thinks he is my cousin, which is fantastic because that kid is my Star Wars-geek-let’s-get-into-debates-about-toasters-buddy. Last year, Andrew had tried committing suicide between April and May. He had a rough year: his dad left his mom, his parents were fighting for custody over him, his older sister had a kid and ran away with her boyfriend to Florida, he had to move to California with his dad, and he had to leave his friends, girlfriend, and job just to start a new life. Everything seemed to come at Andrew all at once, so he figured he didn’t have any way out or back. I remember it all like yesterday, getting the phone call from his cousin saying that he was in the hospital for the second time due to attempted suicide. All I could think about was losing another friend and how he once told me, “One day, I’m opening up these scars.” I didn’t know how to respond at the time, but now that I am getting older, I am gradually understanding what he meant.

 I was lucky that he didn’t die that day. I was lucky that he didn’t die a month later when he supposedly got into a “car accident.” I am so grateful that he is still alive. So many people die by suicide every year, yet it seems like it’s pushed away or forgotten or ignored. When people say something like, “I’m going to open my scars,” it doesn’t always mean they are looking back on their life and how they think they can’t fix it. When people ask questions like, “What is the meaning of life,” it doesn’t always mean they are looking for a direct answer. More than half the time, those people are just crying out for help because they feel so lost and degraded in life. The first time I heard someone cry to me on the phone, I thought I needed to do something. That time that Andrew almost died, made me more willing to want to listen and be there for my friends who are like that. I can’t always stop it all from happening, trust me I have tried so hard, but I can let them know that I am always there for them. The people I care about and more have made that an experience I will never be able to forget or escape.

I think the hardest part about talking to someone who is going through this is trying to save their life as they are feeling like there is no point anymore. I have too many friends who have died by suicide or attempted it. By the age of 14, I had more suicidal or depressed friends than anyone else I knew. By the age of 16, I had more dead friends than living friends. As of now, I am just trying to keep a lot of them from dying.

Suicide is a long-term solution for a short-term problem that I have seen be used as an option way too many times. Life is hard, but it’s learning how to cope with it in difficult situations that gets you through it. I want to show my friends that there is a meaning to life, which is to give life a meaning. Giving life a meaning makes each day count and worth living, and one day, I hope they are able to see that and choose to live their lives out to the fullest.