Today I woke up and I stopped

The world was turning and I was stopped

As life went on I stood still

I let fate happen and I had no hope

I grew up and hit puberty

My body changed but the people didn't

I let them walk on me and let them live while I was dead

I had a life but I wasn't alive. 

 

In third grade i had no English class

My teacher made me write poems and do SAT words

In fourth grade I had a birthday party

One person from my class came

In fifth grade I thought of it as a fact that I would not make it to graduation

My only friend was the teacher

In sixth grade I hated fridays because we picked our seats

I had no one to sit with and I cried at lunch alone

In seventh grade my heart was broken

I learned how to hate my body

In eighth grade I had a hopeless crush on a boy

He was a friend but that was all

In ninth grade I was friends with seniors

I realised they only talked to me so they would seem inclusive

In tenth grade one of my friends had an eating disorder, another cut

I soon joined the latter one

In eleventh grade I was closed off and suicidal

Then the world turned

 

It is twelfth grade and I don't carry notebooks with poems about death any more

I smile when i look in a mirror

I have a friend group that loves me and a boyfriend that cares

I have a bright future

but two days ago a friend killed himself

He doesn't have a future now

I always thought that I was the only one that had issues

But I am not alone

 

There are living dead everywhere

I don't want to just let the world turn anymore

I don't want a life I want to live

I am scared

But I Will Live