Because I loved you…

Let me correct myself -

Because I love you

Present tense, not past because now you consider our love to be completely in the past

It hasn’t changed for me…10 months later

I know that doesn’t sound like and long time but to someone that been recovering from a heartbreak, it’s an eternity.

Just like the eternity you promised me

Funny how we both made promises

The difference was - I actually kept mine, I’m still keeping it

You just seemed to let yours go

 

It was around midday in July you just all of a sudden texted me

We weren’t really close, we maybe had one or two classes together but we only ever exchanged ‘hey’s or ‘hi’s in the hallways

But you were confused of why people found you attractive…

Back then I was speaking the cliche confidence building words

“Your personality, you’re athletic, you always seem to make everyone smile”

Somewhere during that, maybe after the words “you’re basically the ideal person”

I realized how attractive you really were

Then you said I was pretty

 

Who doesn’t like being called pretty? Right?

Those words were read by my eyes and took a mental screenshot

“He called me pretty today!”

They floated in my mind for a day, then it was wrapped around my tongue

Causing me to turn so many people down

“Sorry I have a boyfriend, he wouldn’t respect me doing that”

It ran out of my mouth

Down my fingers into the keyboard 

 

A week or two passed by and I was starting to maybe catch some feelings

But I would’ve never said that out loud - till now I guess

But somehow you did too.

You just said the famous three words first

Which makes me think you had a plan but, it went on longer than you expected

Some complications came up but, we worked through it as a team

 

Team? That’s a cool word but, what does it mean?

By definition it means…

“A group of people working for a common cause”

Somehow you misunderstood that and you thought it meant

“Let me fall in love - get bored - then leave”

 

As if the absence of you presence could dull the passion I have for you

Some people say 14 and 15 is an age much to young to fall in love

But I say, love has no minimum age

It’s not a drivers license or a bottle of scotch

It’s your heart saying “hey look, they’re different for the others”

The kind of different that makes you smile and roll you eyes right after 

Yknow, the kind of different that you sacrifice you sleep saying “you hang up first”

 

 

 

Then school came around, no biggy right?

Nope! 

Word got out that you had a girlfriend

It’s fine I guess, not like I thought we were official or anything

Just two months of pointless and endless nights I guess

But it’s fine, I was fine

 

She didn’t last long before you cheated and made her seem like the bad guy 

Then it was Me and You - together again

I couldn’t have been happier

Until…wait for it…it ended because you were talking to someone else!

Shocker

 

I said I would wait again because I just wanted to see you happy

Your happiness was my number one priority 

I sat back, waiting patiently 

And boom! Cheated again

Not even a full week…you said you were still into her

It’s fine, your smile makes it okay

 

Then I asked you if you still loved me

“A little” 

A little is what you say about someone you like, not someone that you’ve been saying “I love you so much baby” to for seven months!

If that’s true then you’ve been leading me on… 

I’m done - I’m out

Strike one - strike two - strike three — you’re out!

This was strike three

Time for you to get off the field of my life and sit in the dugout with your choice. 

Her.

 

Next time — if I even decide there’s going to be a next time

You’ll have to earn it, prove that you’re not gonna have me out here looking stupid again

But till then, I’m no longer a choice for you…maybe once I shut you out, you’ll see how I felt for five months

Having to repeatedly go on the big scary rollercoaster of your choices

 

Try taking a trip through my hell, then look me in the eyes and tell me to move on.