you ask me what perfect is and i tell you that perfect is a lie.
there is nothing perfect in this world.
every line you have been fed,
every image you have been shown,
every unforgiving prejudice that you have been taught and will hold until the day you die
even if you work tirelessly against it
it is bullshit.
perfect is an ideal and i will tell you what my ideal is:
it is when i can walk down the street and feel safe that my clothes will not be torn off
by violent hands or violent eyes,
when i can be assured that no one will see me and say
this is a woman
this is a girl
this is a man
this is a boy
because i am none of those things.
i am rage at your ignorance
and i am rage at your world that tells you i must be one or the other
that there is nothing more in between
perfect is when i feel safe, feel acknowledged
in a community that is meant for me
without cis het motherfuckers who think they are the crown jewel
to say that they are the A for ally
to apply for our scholarships
to speak on our behalf
perfect is when i never fall in the love you see on tv
because monosexuality is boring
heterosexuality is boring
alloromantic romance is boring
perfect is when i can ask for a platonic kiss from the person i love
with no romance in my heart
and people will not flood from the woodwork to ask
but what next, honey?
maybe, you fucking asshole,
if you thought that anything i felt was real.
but you think i am not perfect and so i am a monster
and so is every other queer teenager crying in the dark
every girl who does, frankly, anything at all
every transgender black woman who lives in fear every day
because she cannot be expected to live past 25
who is not you
and i am here to tell you that you are fucking wrong
the flaws you see in me are not flaws at all
and if i seem strange or conceited
wrong or ill
then i will tell you i take 100mg of lamotrigine every night at 10pm
and when i hear planes fly overhead i must move across the room
because staying stationary spells my death
and that does not make anything i say any less important
because these are not flaws
these things are who i am
and you so, so wrong
to think otherwise.
i am here to tell you that you have been misled
that what you hate is something beautiful you will never know
that the word perfect is a disease
and you cannot tell me
that there is a single flaw in my character
because i know otherwise.