Looking Back

Location

I'm Seventeen.

I talked to my counselor today.

The school won’t let me back to class without a note from a therapist;

My parents are arguing about whose fault this is.

They said I’m broken.

 

I’m spending more time at school than I ever have before.

I haven’t had a friend over since tenth grade.

 

I'm Sixteen.

I came out to my APUSH class.

My peers were more accepting than my family was.

 

“Yes, I have a boyfriend.”

“No, this doesn’t mean I chose a side.”

“No, I’m not being indecisive.”

“No, this isn’t for attention.”

“No, I’m not bisexual. Yes, there is a difference.”

 

My parents said my interests worry them.

They said I made a choice to defy them.

 

I'm Fifteen.

My aunt is getting married.

 

My grandmother called me & told me her daughter is living in sin.

She said she was glad I was normal.

 

I think I’m going to tell them.

 

My dad isn’t talking to his sister any more.

He makes jokes about marriage equality.

Maybe now isn’t the time.

 

I'm Fourteen.

I have a girlfriend.

 

Oh, my god, I have a girlfriend.

 

Will my friends like her?

Will my parents like her?

 

I brought her home.

I didn’t tell them she was my date.

My dad said it wasn’t normal for me to not have brought a boy home.

Later, My mom said “There’s nothing wrong with being gay, but you know.

“Ew.”

 

I don’t have a girlfriend.

 

I'm Thirteen.

He said he loved me.

 

I wish I never met him.

 

I'm Twelve.

A boy whistled at me.

This is new.

I saw him yesterday at Japanese School.

He said he’s in high school.

He’s cute.

 

He said I can’t talk to the other boys in class.

 

He said I’m lucky to have him.

 

He said it wouldn’t hurt.

 

I'm Eleven.

 

Ten

 

Nine

 

I'm Eight.

I think have a crush on a girl.

She isn’t in my class but I see her at recess.

I told my parents about her.

Mom told Dad I just got my pronouns mixed up.

 

Am I going to Hell?

 

Seven

 

Six

 

I'm Five.

Two boys hugged each other at the store.

They hugged for a really long time.

I think they were going to kiss, but Dad made me look away.

He said it wasn’t right?

 What’s wrong with it? Girls & boys kiss all the time.

 

I'm Four.

I want someone to live with.

Like my mom & dad.

 

Three

 

Two

 

One

 

Zero

I wonder if the idea of having a non-straight child kept my parents up the same way it has with me.

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