Losing her

Soft beeping and little lights
A strange smell
I.V. lines and sea foam green
Striped curtains
 
My wife of twenty years
Laying there 
Dying
She wasn't the same 
Something was wrong
And now this
 
The suns going down
Through the Venetian blinds
Time to go
Outside
She's sleeping
 
Elevator crowded
Hallways crowded
People wander
And jar
Up against me
Cigarette smoke somewhere
 
Is this real?
What happened?
All I can see is her eyes
Purple and swollen
So weak
So much vomit 
 
I guess I'll sit down here
It's cold
I can't feel
Anything
Or cry
My head is floating away
Like a balloon
 
Why did anything ever matter?
Why did we fight?
Or make trouble?
We had so little time
And we wasted too much
Clawing at each other
 
I love her
I always loved her
Now she is leaving
And I will be 
Alone
Without my friend
 
Time to go
I have to hurry up and meet her
Pay for my lunch
Run outside and drive away
She is going shopping
And I want to tell her something
 
I want to tell her I love her
While she is there
And alive
And hold her hands
In mine
Because it was only a vision
Of what could be
If We don't change
 

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