Love her the same

Love her the same

By Lauren Deja

 

There’s a hole in my heart.

It’s the part that lets all the pain drain

Down my veins into labyrinths of  Satan

Tugging on my heartstrings.

Calling me names and saying insinuating

Refrains, that imply I am not enough.

He whispers his hot breath down my neck

You weren’t what she wanted in the first place.

A place holder for a girl who can’t hold a place.

She wanders from heart to heart digging holes 

To hide in and once there’s no heart left she moves on.

Leaving drains in lovers once whole.

I fell into her whole.   Swallowed up in dreams

And filled with hope.   Now I share a bed with the devil 

As he convinces me I’m not worthy.

Be careful what you wish for, 

Are you willing to do the work?

Dreams floating on heartstrings.

Tender things, thrown loops of chaos.

No more music ringing from the clouds.

The weight has settled in.

The devil has spoken his piece.

I am forever changed.  And will rebuild again.

From this place of unworthiness.

From the smallness left of my heart.

I fill the hole with all I know.

I close the gap, in record time.

Slow bleeding stopped. 

Love refrain.

Chorus time.

The verse is the same.

The dream came.  And the devil whispered it away.

Softly. In the deep of the night.

I slept through it all, 

I didn’t know how to fight. 

There was no one on the other side.

Maybe my call was too feeble. 

Maybe I am not able, 

To bear the weight of the dreams I dream.

Maybe my feet will never take that fighting step.

Maybe my heart is just in existence to bleed.

Punctured by the very dream I dreamed.

How many Satan’s will come to my bed, 

Whispering confusing things?

Do these monsters grow in my head 

And fill out with time?

I have no heart left today.

Tonight I will refresh.

But tomorrow seems more of the same

Calling on a dream and never knowing if it came.

Or if it was all fake.

Maybe dreams are just dreams.

Never ones to live while awake.

Just with a word, one cry

They are whisked away.

Who am I?

Do I write this page?

I wrote this dream page for page, 

But I cannot remember the page 

Where I am expendable.

Is it page 98, 

Where life is expansive, 

Did I forget to include myself in my dream?
Did I leave me out?

It was a fine dream filled with all the

Shine the sun could bring.

Warming my heart.

Just to tear it apart.

Love her the same, as you loved me.

I promise.  As she is today, 

She will never be.

 

 

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