Feelings are a cycle,

And I’m back at square one,

When your feelings are fleeting and passed the bridge,

They circle back and then you realize,

They are not gone.

 

They are: Permanence in hiding, that’s what it is called,

Deeply involved in your heart and soul,

When you thought it was just a ghost, a scar,

Just an empty hole now, but sometimes it feels once more,

The rain comes and sits and sinks into you,

And here you are wanting more.

 

Besides, these parts always cut the deepest,

There was never any way out was there?

No there wasn’t,

But we lie to ourselves like it’s a funny joke,

And cast spells on our lips, saying words,

That would dampen the feeling, numb it to death.

 

We think we are magicians,

Pulling things out of hats, then putting them back,

Remembering they are always there, even if we pretend,

We have a hard time seeing the end,

The beginning looked the prettiest,

And as we trudge along the shores,

Wanting more, but needing less,

We want to see the end,

But we can’t and we won’t,

Because our hearts are stuck in a backwards formation,

That spells out a name,

A name that lives in us like a forgotten scar,

And that’s what you are.

Probably always will be, a name.

 

You don’t choose who infects your soul,

With bitterness and woe,

And you don’t get to choose, whether they end up,

A lover or a friend, or nothing at all,

But you do get to choose how they come and go,

How they ebb and flow in your soul, like waves.