[ Found from an earlier date. ]

It hurts like bitter knifes stabbing my frozen, intoxicated lungs until the clumps of hard cold ice fall out of my heart and onto the ground below. In my heart and in my soul I know what I am doing is beyond a shadow of a doubt wrong but the right way is hidden in between the the depths of despair. I don't want to face the world knowing that I am alone, in such pain, and alone.

Nothing can stop me from loving myself, I think I have that power somewhere deep within me to do so, but Oh God how I ask you'd be there to do the hard chore for me. Pass it on, dear God, pass it on to someone strong enough to love such a pitiful excuse of a girl.

Your arms are the only place I feel at home but if I'm not welcome there anymore I will have to find a new one. One that uses, one that abuses, one that jeers, one that I fear. Dear God give me strength in this time of sheer desperate insufferable need because I don't know how I'll survive without your eternal love. Your arms are always wide open and as I rise to the gates of Heaven I pray for Saint Peter to have mercy on this child of God.