Mama, I Know

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Mama, I know when 
You look into my eyes
You see him.
When my hand reached 
Over to hold yours
I knew why you never 
held them tight.
My hands were a
Little replica of his.
When my little hands
Gripped yours, you instantly 
Felt the wrath of his fists,
Banging your skull.
Mama, I know why you never
Kissed me much.
Kissing my cheek 
Was like kissing his.
I remember 
How reluctant you were
To hug me before 
Sending me off on my first 
Day of school.
Watching the kids
Covered with their mother's 
Kisses and love.
I felt a deep jealousy erupt 
In my heart,
Evolving into a
Hate I had for myself.
Hated my life.
Hated that I understood.
Hated that I 
Couldn't be the little 
Girl being held by 
Her mother.
Its okay.
Cause Mama, 
I know.
Those days you 
Were late to pick me up,
How I longed for one 
Of the mothers to take me home.
Shower me with kisses,
Bathe me in love,
Drown me in affection.
But I knew somehow,
You'd be here soon.
I'd listen in on the teachers gossip.
"The poor baby is left there alone 
Almost everyday".
"You can tell she neglects the child"
"One day, she won't come back for her".
I used to get caught up in their talk,
But Mama, I knew you 
Were gonna come back.
Cause Mama,
I know.
You may not have said 
It often, but you loved me. 
Right, Mama?
I remember those days you'd 
Hit and slap me.
I didn't shed a tear
Cause Mama, I know.
It was payback to daddy.
I didn't mind it much.
It was the only time you 
Touched my face.
Mama that day
You took me
To the park.
You held me in your arms,
Kissed me a hundred times.
You hugged me.
The wait was over.
Mama, you confirmed 
your love for me.
I  Remember seeing 
The ice cream truck pass 
And you promised you'd be
Right back.
I was sure you'd return.
I sat at that bench,
Lurking for my mama.
My mama who finally loved me.
I waited til the sun disappeared,
Til the sky was dark.
I felt the tears coming,
But I told myself, 
Not to worry.
Mama loves me now.
She's coming. 
I saw someone running.
Mama. I Knew you were coming
Sadly, it was daddy.
Crying and yelling.
He took me home.
Found glass shattered,
A trail of blood and
Your clothes gone.
I understood.
You had to get away.
Its okay you left
Cause Mama,
I know...

Comments

EmbracedGeek

God I wanted to hug you while reading this. It's not my place, I know, but that's how emotional you made this. This poem poors out your heart and its beautiful despite and because of it's content. Thank you for writing this, it truly is beautiful.

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