To the one who missed out, 

December 1st, 2001 

Lovely Lillies sway at a distance of her hospital bed 

She sees mamma on the corner smiling as bright as diamonds

Hears grandma calling her a sweet Marigold 

Golden and strong 

Unknowing of what was missing 

Until she grew up 

She was a mirror image of you

Heart hollow 

Both of you missing a piece of yourselves that you can only find in each other 

But your pride will never let you meet your daughter 

You missed out 

Father 

You missed my whole life just to appear for a second 

Merely seeing me 

Truth is, 

Your presence was all I ever wanted since I laid in that hospital bed 

Unknowing of what was missing 

Until I grew up without you 

But the reality is that the presence of a parent doesn’t necessarily mean they are present 

Like how can someone be there and not be there at the same time? 

You don’t know me 

When I look at you 

You are merely a stranger 

Father

I never got to tell you how much you missed

All the boys I’ve kissed

All the tears I’ve cried

Nor all the heartbreaks I endured 

Meanwhile, you caused me the biggest heartbreak of all

I will never get to tell you how much you’ve missed 

How you missed the fact that I am not the whore you think I am 

How I am no longer your mirror image 

How my mother Raised me to be everything you could never be Respectable

Pure 

Honest 

Engraved independent, bravery, empathy, strength 

Told me to walk like the world was mine

To merely get up when my world is crashing 

Place red lipstick onto my lips 

Head held high with pride unlike yours 

Reminded me that no matter what 

I will always be grandma’s Marigold

And her sunshine

And that formidable daughter you confused for forget me knots 

Forgot me

Hopefully, that’s why you still haven’t called 

I've distorted my mind to avoid the pain from what reality could be 

It's like 

I am aware that that you are out there but am not interested in your stories 

I don’t care what you’re doing 

Nor who you’re with 

Nor the life you’ve built with them 

Or at least that’s what I’ve convinced myself to think

I wish I could show you how amazing I am

How I was worth staying for 

Committing to

But like the boys, I’ve lost you continued to walk

Yet inspired millions of beautiful poetry about a broken girl no longer broken 

A Marigolden Poet

Your footsteps only made me stronger 

To my father, 

This letter will never be delivered 

But that’s fine 

Because on June 28, 2019

When I step across that stage 

Head held high

Red lipstick 

And the poise my mother embedded in me all on her own

That will not be on my mind 

At that moment I will merely be mamas diamond

Grandma’s Marigold 

And that bomb ass daughter you never had the audacity to get to know