Marion

It’s been over 2 years since I’ve seen you

And I still get chills whenever I think about the way your hands grazed my thighs

I feel blinded by the disappointment in myself for not letting you in

And maybe it wouldn’t have mattered,

Maybe things would have ended the same way,

But if I would have taken the chance,

Then I wouldn’t be left wondering what your body feels like against mine

 

I keep thinking of you as the enemy

As though the lines drawn between us were written in concrete,

Separating us from reality

Denying us from feeling the things we were scared to say aloud

And damnit, I just wanted you to say them aloud

 

I keep wondering if you feel fear too

Are you frightened by the fallacy of this friendship?

I should mention that I fell for you rather quickly

And quite frankly it’s a little risky for me to admit it

But I think I could love you

Or at least love the idea of you

And the idea that you could love me back is overwhelming

I find you compelling, but I’m too proud to admit when I need you

So I keep my distance

 

In my dreams you always leave

So I guess it’s a lot like reality

And not like this fantasy I honestly

Can’t stop thinking about

I can’t stop thinking about you

 

Every time we talk I get the feeling that I should just let go

But I’ve always been taught to hope and cling

To the things that are worth my attention

And goddamnit, you have my attention

This poem is my confession

Of an undying obsession

To have more of you

 

I once told you that you make me feel inferior

Building barriers far scarier

Than taking the leap to overcome them

Intimidated by your confidence

Or maybe just your dominance

And the way that you read my mind

Speaking truths I didn’t know existed

Until you hand-picked them from my head

And instead of running like my instincts tell me,

I plant my roots a little too close to my heart

 

I wonder if you remember the way that your hands fit perfectly around mine

Or what my lips taste like after a couple of cheap beers

Counting the hours until the sun rises

And the quiet becomes meaningless noise once again

When it’s time to let go of one another

And separate like we have grown accustomed to doing

 

I want to make love to you

Until you forget why you were leaving

And even if it’s fleeting

I want you to pretend you love me

Leave me dreaming

Possibilities of infinity

Bathing in the sunlight of my bedroom window

Wrapped in the warmth of our intertwined bodies

Longing for just one more chance to say hello

 

I hate goodbyes

And maybe that’s because I’m selfish

I can’t help feeling helpless

When I’m always watching others leave me behind

Deciding that I’m not worth their time any longer

 

Time is the most precious gift we can give

Yet we throw it away so easily

Wasting it on mundane tasks

Instead of choosing to live

We settle on simply being alive

Defined by our actions and not our dreams

I’ve always been a dreamer

I admit I’m naive

But is it really too much to ask you to stay?

 

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